Come one come all check out another useless blog, this time about a thirtysomething treasure toll thats not longer needed since he pawned the gem in his belly. Youll laugh, youll cry, you will file a lawsuit to try and get your 10 minutes back from reading this
Not every prequel can be Godfather 2. Considering after all of the attempts that have been made only ONE (In recent memory) has gotten it right (Rise of the Planet of the Apes which I thought was the hawtness, and look to a future article where i bitch about "digital actors" who are actually playing their character getting passed over constantly for recognition) I guess we will start with the obvious good ole Star Wars when I was a kid and they mentioned the famous "Clone Wars" nothing that could be put on screen could match what I was dreaming about when I heard those words
Certainly not that.
But Lucas made the awful sequels before that trash even came out with the original intentions of never even showing the clone wars until the original 3 minute serials (Which were awesome) and I do enjoy the series from time to time as long as Ashoka isnt on screen but the movies... OH MAN THE MOVIES. Why did we NEED to see the background of everything? We knew what was important Annikan was born, was a bad ass pilot, became a jedi, fought along side Kenobi in the clone wars and somehow fell to the dark side. All jedi went into hiding because he ganked them all and that is that, there is enough mystery there to mentally fill in the blanks and be happy or allow some writers to handle it in a book or comic because they would do a better job than Lucas did anyways. Wanna know why the sequels suck? Ill show you one scene why
We wanted to see the characters we learned to love over 3 movies further adventures, we WANTED ep 7,8 and 9. We wanted to see how bad ass Luke becomes and Han Solo w/Chewies further adventures as a changed man in love but still a scoundrel at heart. Thats what we wanted and the books did a damn good job of it, shame well never see it on the big screen.
The Thing.... Those of you that personally know me know that I watch the Kurt Russell thing at least once a week because it is a piece of amazing fucking cinema with effects that are actually better than the prequel made over 20 yrs later. Fuck talking any more about that, just go see the original, then grab the prequel and leave a comment im sure you will see it my way too.
X-Men First Class : Im on the fence about this one because as a film I really liked it, and I love the chemistry between Charles and Erik that you know will end badly, the only problem is as with most prequels it already has broken all kinds of things.
1) In Xmen charles says that he helped make Magnetos helmet (Did NOT get it from Shaw)
2) If Charles and Mystique are literally childhood friends why isnt this ever mentioned in the few times they are on camera together? You would think there is some sentimental ties between her and the child that basically took in a homeless child but
Im sure there are more things but id have to watch it again to get them all fresh in my memory. There is talk of a sequel if they can get Matt Vaughn back (Hopefully after he does Kick Ass 2!!!)and maybe they can mind whammy Mystique like they did with 3p0 in ep3 so she dont remember jack.
Xmen Origins Wolverine - HAHAHAHA
They broke Sabertooth's story
Deadpool
Cyclops - Dont you think hed remember Sabretooth chasing him through his fricking HIGH SCHOOL?
Funny side bit to this story, I read there is a script going around for a Deadpool movie that sounds amazing, the film is supposed to start with him watching Origins and mocking what they do to him in the movie, please let Ryan Reynolds go into Van Wilder mode and wreck this movie with laughter that Deadpool is known
Even Paranormal Activity went the prequel route however I have not watched this yet but im sure it sucks and has a lame ending, you already know the kids dont remember anything about their first encounter with the demon so they basically have a blank check to do whatever batshit insane stuff they want in the movie.
Im sure there are several more coming down the pipeline some may suck (I am Legend prequel) some wont (The Hobbit) and some can land on either side of the fence (Men in Black 3)
Then we have the bigun Prometheus for those unfamilar THIS is Prometheus and it could really kick ass, first off its Ridley Scott's return to the Alien franchise secondly check out the cast.
Michael Fassbender ... David
Charlize Theron ... Meredith Vickers
Noomi Rapace ... Elizabeth Shaw
Patrick Wilson ... Cocooned man
Idris Elba ... Captain Janek
Guy Pearce ... Stannison
Rafe Spall ... Milburn
Logan Marshall-Green ... Holloway
Rutina Wesley ... Lara
Originally set up to be a straight up prequel to Alien that will explain the space jockeys origins and the origin of our favorite film beastie. Since then its supposedly been switched to something much more, while still set in the Alien universe and the story will tie in, its not a direct Alien prequel. Here is a direct quote from Fox suit Tom Rothman "It is not [an 'Alien' prequel]. It's not. Hand on heart. [On it being in the same universe] I suppose if you want to definitionally be that literal, but it does it a great disservice. I will tell you, here's the way to think about it. If you looked at the whole movie, 95 percent of it is entirely unto itself. Ridley said it right: If you're a fan and you look closely, you'll spot strands of DNA."
So we will see, but for the love of all that is good, stop ruining the mystery with prequels! My imagination will do a much better job of filling in the blanks than any director every could.
Prequels that wont suck
Hobbit - Only one I know for sure will not be filled with suckitude
Back in the late 70s and early 80s a movie trailer was the only way you knew about the film, there were no set spies or script leaks online or flat out spoilers from the production team. So what we ended up with were just the trailers and back then they either gave you a decent guess of what you were getting into when you bought your (properly priced) ticket or gave you a johnny mindfuck that left you wondering what the hell you were actually getting into but either way the trailers were solid, great, and they actually had to do with the movie itself. Lets take a look at one of the greatest trailers ever made without a single word.. Turn off the lights and turn up the sound and I promise it will creep you the hell out especially if yer reading this late at night and lets not kid why wouldn't you be reading this late at night with nothing to do anyways.
Beautiful straight forward mindfuck but still it has the general idea of the movie and you know you are getting something that is going to scare the living crap out of you and it did Who would have thought a movie about face rape would receive such a reaction it made people actually run out of the theater terrified in Dallas
Lets look at another trailer for one of my all time favorite films of all time, The Thing (The Carpenter version not the 50s or prequel versions.
Damn that's awesome and in the case with both of the above trailers, their films lived up to their expectations because that's what we had to go on at the time and it worked. That's not to say that modern trailers don't still kick ass and the movies do too, so today were gonna look at 3 specific Zack Snyder trailers because obviously his trailer team kicks all kinds of ass
I remember the first time I saw this trailer and i think I leaked a little and I think im gonna go watch that tonight again now. Of course the movie kicked ass too
Personally I enjoyed Watchmen and I actually think the changes to the ending worked a lot better than the comics silly psychic octopus ending and certainly a lot of the filler in the comic was removed and most of it wasn't missed, i didn't give a damn about the relationship between the kid and the guy at the newsstand at all, or Specter II s whiny relationship with her moms and I think he did it as well as anyone could have (Except maybe Terry Gilliam but he wouldn't have had the budget to do it properly anyways)
And while were on the topic of kick ass trailers and Snyder we cant skip the movie that should have kicked so much ass it would have been legendary in the nerd library.
Goddamn what a trailer!! Shame the movie didn't live up to it, when I do watch this one I skip ahead to the first action scene and watch it from there because the plot just sucks. But what this means is a very talented crew of people put a ton of work into these amazing trailers and get zero recognition for it even if the movie is a hit and that is a flat out shame. because if we didn't have trailers we wouldn't even bother with the movie. I mean even with UR/NC17 movies that rarely have any hype we can find a trailer online that tells us we have to see this film for whatever reason.
And it cannot be an easy process, picking what cuts to show, what song plays in the background to make it all work (Especially with Watchmen and Sucker Punch) but when was the last time you ever heard of a best trailer award? Does even the joke that is the MTV Movie Awards have a best trailer award? Doubt it and there are so many great trailers out there that when I go to an actual movie (Which is rare these days after my 50 dollar Transformers 3 debacle ) i absolutely HAVE to arrive before trailers start because I completely love seeing trailers on the big screen even as a deaf person I can enjoy those 2 minutes of ass-kicking, loud music and the best scenes the movies have to offer.
Im going to leave you with one more trailer for something that most of you haven't heard of it yet but it looks amazing and was written by one of the comedy gods from cracked.com Mr David Wong (I stole the idea of the blog from cracked.com i just wanted to put the theory in my own words and show something a little different besides Alien)
John Dies at the End by horror legend Don Coscareilli
Aion: Free to Play in February
I have to admit that this does excite me a bit, I played the cbt of Aion and back then it had great potential and my expectations were perhaps too high and of course I ended up let down mainly due to the fact that the gameplay as you start to rise (As early as the teens actually) turns into a typical grind like practically all games from back east. Lots of backtracking for quests even though I'm supposed to be a bad ass angel (An Angel that had to buy some angelic Pumas because of all the backtracking for typical kill X rats and fetch Y fire beetle eyes), it also seemed to force grouping early on if you wanted to progress in the grind at any kind of a decent pace which is something that rubs me the wrong way and was giving me Evverquest flashbacks. It was quite frustrating because I wanted to like it so much, the backstreet about the warring angels was such a great concept and it made you want to see more and progress to the point where you feel as though your actions made a difference. The combat system was typical which some neat twists such as YOUR A FRICKIN ANGEL AND COULD DO AERIAL COMBAT which is beyond awesome but you had to wait before you could do the cool stuff, iirc you didnt get your wings til lvl 10 or 15 I don't remember, also the combat itself had built in combos as in moves that only activated after a specific condition was met such as a certain move was performed or the target dodged/blocked, your position around the target and more and when one of these was triggered the next move in the combo popped up in the center of the screen so even a nub could enjoy cool looking angel ass kicking and when I say cool looking you have no idea. In a pre Skyrim/Battlefield 3 world I have to admit that Aion was a work of art and seeing it in motion on a decent rig was a sight to behold and im sure they have been improving and optimizing the engine so im sure in the looks department Aion will not disappoint and last but not least the game featured a heavy pvp component with 3 factions (sorta) which is something very very few mmos have accomplished, the only 2 I can think of are Dark Age of Camelot! (its a model) and Planetside1/2) but there is a catch. The third pvp faction is made up of npcs, so yeah not perfect but it does add something to the mix of your usual A vs Business conflict. After as you can see the game does not sound bad at all but it came out while I was still very happy with wow and did not feel the need to pay for another game that honestly im not gonna play so i passed on it after beta. Now that its going free to play you can bet your ass I'm going to get up in it and everyone that enjoys deep rich lore, supposedly solid pvp, beautiful graphics and scenery and did I mention you get to be a bad ass angel? There is nothing new from the standard holy Trinity setup of classes tank/dps/healer with some classes having cc abilities and while this system is old it does indeed work so why fix what isn't broken, and its clear that NCsoft did not set out to reinvent the wheel but they did throw out a decent little title that should be a blast if my wallet isn't getting a little lighter.
V
